Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
PANTIES FOUND
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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