Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
