who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
