So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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