walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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