As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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