u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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