So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
