I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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