just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
