fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
