At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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