So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
