She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
