Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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