So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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