Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
