playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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