hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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