His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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