i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Help. Why am I so naked?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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