She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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