We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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