i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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