I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
