If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
