did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
