I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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