this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
