Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
