So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
