good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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