I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
