Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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