dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
