girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
