You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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