I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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