just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
