yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
