Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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