Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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