She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
