The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
