Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
