a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
