When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
