I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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