Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
