I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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